tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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