I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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