i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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