We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
