I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
should my penis look like a turkey
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
