tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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