Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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