i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
