i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
