The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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