Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
