Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them

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(702): View more from Nevada

i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"

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(850): View more from Florida

hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

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(818): View more from California

I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I won't be sarcastic... just naked

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(903): View more from Texas

He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

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(897): View more from

i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.

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(+49): View more from Germany

So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly

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