im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
