so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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