Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
