I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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