Do you still have your period?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
