He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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