Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
