I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
