I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
