Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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