dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
