can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
honey bunches of taint.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
