we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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