Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
