I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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