Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
