i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Less talking, more tequila
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
