He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
