i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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