Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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