I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
