I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
