i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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