fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
