I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
