Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
