Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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