He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
