im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Michael Bay diarrhea
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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