Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
