I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
