Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
