You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
