i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
