We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
