At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
