I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
