i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
