Nicole vs. Life
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
