Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you pee in the oven last night??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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