she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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